Alcoholic Arsenal #1: The Jagerbomb

take your medicine

You will need:

1 shot of Jagermeister
1/3 Can of Red Bull

Take a shot glass and fill it with Jagermeister.
Take a larger tumbler and add a third of a can of red bull to it.

Add the shot glass to the tumbler.
Drink. In one. (Or be a pussy and sip it like a biyatch).

Why is this in the arsenal?
This drink is especially useful when you don’t really want to go out, have no energy or impetus. If you can ignore the fact that it tastes like rancid cough medicine and will leave your guts in spasm for 20 minutes after consumption, then this will fix that. You will go out, you will be the life of the party. You will pull girls like moths to a retarded flame. Then you will drink, a lot. You will wonder where the energy came from, and be glad that you are out (proper out). You will think it’s the music, the crowd, your own wonderful personality (It’s not that, you don’t have one). It won’t be any of that, it will be the jager and indeed, the bomb.

Eventually you will make your way to the cardboard box you live in and you will sleep.
If you wake up, you will feel like shit. That is the jagerbomb saying “good morning, I believe you should thank me”. Under no circumstances thank the jagerbomb. It is an evil little monkey and should be punished.

Also: It is a generally accepted law of the universe that 3 of these will put you on your back, crablike, prone, unable to get up. People will claim to have done 4, 5, 6 or more. These people are liars and reptiles and should not be trusted. Or they’re Lithuanian. The evidence isn’t entirely clear.

Danny: If I medicined you, you’d think a brain tumour was a birthday present!

Such is the magical medicinal effect of the jagerbomb.

Matt says: Don’t set it on fire, for that way lie darkness and insanity and ours is the true path to greatness. And remember, no matter what the adverts say, drinking responsibly is fucking boring. Drink irresponsibly, choose life.