Alcoholic Arsenal #2: Double Jack and Coke

You will need:
2 measures of Jack Daniels

An equal or lesser volume of Coke.
Some ice

Put JD in a tall glass, we like thick tumblers. Add Ice and Coke to taste. If you add a lemon slice, or a lime slice, you will be considered to be a flamboyant gay.

Why is this in the arsenal?

The drink of rock stars. If it’s good enough for Lemmy, it’s too damn good for you.

The only acceptable mixer for Jack is Coke. Unless you’re a dolt. In which case, you shouldn’t be here, this site is not for you. Go and have a nice G&T with google instead.

Here at SBB.com, we accept that sometimes (in the morning, before work), it is acceptable to drink beer or wine. As long as it isn’t budweiser. These are breakfast beers, and they are fine for use as an eye-opener. Once it gets to lunchtime however, the gloves come off (unless you’re in Latvia, Lithuania, or Norway – you can keep your gloves on if you’re there, although you’re going to look like a ridiculous clown-shoes), and the JD comes out.

If alcohol is a crutch, then Jack Daniels is the wheelchair.

It is not acceptable to drink singles unless you’re drinking them neat. It is permissible to drink triples and quadruples, though if you’re trying to get drunk, we’d suggest that you sit down fella, the real men are drinking.

Drinking to get drunk is not why we drink. We drink because we enjoy it. Indeed, the longer you can drink without getting drunk, the more of a man you are. Not some little snot-nosed manchild who thinks drinking is a competition that can be won by pissing their own pants, whilst their “friends” – who are by now totally disassociated from the turd-burgling fuck-nubbin – sit back and drink at leisure.

Matt: Just to be clear, getting drunk is acceptable for a number of reasons, but as a reason for drinking, seeking to get drunk implies that you felt it necessary to fall down, vomiting on your own shoes, calling the bouncer a feculent cunt, and pulling the creature from the black lagoon.
You pulled her

Now that would seem to further suggest that you have an issue in your life, that you felt being shit-faced would resolve. Well that sounds to us like you have feelings, and that is not acceptable. Are you a man? No, you’re a skid-mark. That you’re the sperm that won the race shames your father. I don’t know how he looks at you. Honestly. Man up, princess.

but I digress…

We have argued in cocktail bars that Double JD & Coke is actually a cocktail. Alright, it was happy hour, cocktails were half-price and there were many many many hotties running around (mostly, away).
SBB: “2 measures of alcohol and a mixer is a cocktail, good sir.”
Bartender: “Not half-price, mate. Not happening”
SBB: “Well, then, I will drink the most manly cocktail in the world instead. And whilst you’re making the long island iced tea, might I suggest that you take a running fuck at yourself.”
That last bit might have been implied rather than vocalised. I don’t recall, it was a long night.

Digressed again…bear with me, I have a point here somewhere.

Right so, the reason for the tall glass is to allow sufficient space for the Coke. Some might argue that we are making our drink weaker by this reasoning, and they are partially correct. They however have forgotten that drinking is about taste and is not a competition.
If it were a competition, we’d win. Because we’d drink bottle after bottle after bottle of Jack, with Coke, and you’d drink something stupid like donkey-cum or monkey-spit.

Drinking in bars is about socialising with lesser folk and girls (please note: these are not mutually exclusive). It is about being beyond cool. Any cretin can do cool, we aspire to better. Think orders of magnitude of awesome.

And so we give you, Double Jack and Coke, the king of drinks. Especially if you like having fur on your teeth and feel like developing the diabetes.



One Comment

  1. Molotov wrote:

    F y gay for this story. Brilliant.